Listening and Hearing

God gave us one mouth and two ears for a reason, is what Mama used to say. And she’s right. Isn’t she always? And the reason God gave us one mouth and two ears is because we need to do a lot more listening than talking. And she’s right about that too. We don’t listen enough to one another.

But in the midst of listening, are we HEARING each other? In the movie White Men Can’t Jump, the main characters have a conversation about the difference between listening and hearing Jimi Hendrix. Click here for the Youtube clip, but I warn you, the language is most definitely not safe for work. The point Wesley Snipes’ character makes is that we can listen and not hear. By “hear”, he means “understand”. He tells Woody Harrelson’s character that he can’t “hear” Jimi Hendrix because he doesn’t get Jimi’s culture. He may like the music but he doesn’t GET IT.

Numerous times in the Bible, Jesus tells his followers, “He who has ears, let him hear.” Now these were people already LISTENING to Jesus, but he was saying that it’s not enough to just listen. We need to HEAR and by “hear”, he meant UNDERSTAND.

One reason our society is in such turmoil is because we don’t HEAR each other. Heck, we barely LISTEN to each other, but even when we do listen, we don’t hear, we don’t understand. I recently got into a conversation with someone and he argued with me about my point. That’s fine, I don’t mind disagreement. But this person was arguing about something I wasn’t even saying. He listened but didn’t HEAR me. He didn’t even understand what I was trying to say. Now as a communicator, maybe that was my fault. Maybe I didn’t communicate clearly. But as an audience, maybe it was his fault. Maybe he listened but didn’t hear or understand. He clearly thought he understood, but he didn’t.

When we engage with others, we need to practice what Mama preached - use our two ears to listen more than we talk. But when we listen, make sure we’re HEARING and UNDERSTANDING what is being said. The greater the understanding, the greater the connection we will have.

Gratitude

It’s easy to think about the hard things we’re going through and grumble and complain about it. I get it. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like. But believe it or not, thankfulness is a better course to take.

The Bible, not surprisingly, has a lot to say about gratitude and thankfulness. Consider the following:

- 1 Thess 5:18 - "In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

- Colossians 3:15 - "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called into one body. And be thankful."

- Psalm 107:1 - "Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever."

There are hundreds upon hundreds of passages in the Bible that speak to the theme of gratitude and thanksgiving. The question is, why should we be so thankful?

If we are thankful, we understand that we are experiencing good things, even if they are hard. Thankful people focus on the good in their lives. If we are not thankful, we believe that we are missing something that we are somehow entitled to. Unthankful people focus on the bad in their lives, or on their lack of good.

Imagine what a thankful person looks like versus an unthankful person. I will use a Facebook meme that got posted by a friend of mine (that I reposted). The first part of each line will be a complaint - focusing on the negative. But look how this person turns it around into gratitude.

Complaint: Early wake-ups by little ones who do not understand your need to sleep.
Gratitude: Having children to love.

Complaint: The house is so messy.
Gratitude: I have a home in which to live.

Complaint: So much laundry to do; it never ends.
Gratitude: I have clothes to wear.

Complaint: The kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes.
Gratitude: I have food to eat.

Complaint: There are crumbs under the table to clean up.
Gratitude: We have meals together as a family.

Complaint: So much grocery shopping to do.
Gratitude: We have enough money to take care of our needs.

Complaint: There are toilets to clean.
Gratitude: Indoor plumbing!!!

Complaint: This house is so noisy.
Gratitude: I have lots of people in my life.

Complaint: The kids have endless questions about this and that and it drives me crazy.
Gratitude: The kids' brains are growing and they are learning.

Complaint: I'm sore and tired from a long day.
Gratitude: I'm still alive after another day!

If you are in the first camp, you will see all these realities and complain about them, seeing only the negative. Life can be so hard, and there really are lots of things to complain about. How many things do NOT go your way in a given day or week? A great many, I'd suspect. But how miserable a person would you be if you focused on all these negative things?

Conversely, if you are in the second camp, you will see all these realities and give thanks in them, seeing the positive, the blessings. Life can be so hard, but even in the midst of it, God has so much good for you. Raising children has been extremely hard but instead of complaining about how hard it is, how about rejoicing that God gave you children to love and raise!! The house can constantly be messy, but how about rejoicing that you have a place to live?

Thankful people tend to be happy people. Unthankful people tend to be unhappy people. When you encounter a situation that offends you, you could focus on the negative and complain about the offense. And it would be a REAL offense, make no mistake. But you could also choose to focus on the positive and think, "Well, Lord, thank you that I have lots of people in my life who are kind to me." Or, "Thank you God that you took on all the offenses upon yourself in the cross. Thank you that you don't hold MY offenses against YOU, against ME!"

Do you see how a negative can be turned into a positive? How a thankful heart can be a key to your happiness?

Now, this doesn't mean that there aren't real bad things going on, and this isn't meant to be a pie-in-the-sky kind of thing, pretending that bad things don't exist. There are really awful things in the world, and real injustices. Being thankful doesn't mean we don't work to address these things and try to make things right. Our daughter Julia has type 1 diabetes and of course we want to work to help her handle it as well as possible. We hope someday scientists will find a cure. Something is not right in the world, and we want it fixed. But our ATTITUDE towards being in the midst of a chronic (and deadly) illness can either be one of gratitude or ingratitude. We can complain about her having this illness, which would lead to bitterness and resentment and misery. Or we can be grateful that we live in a world where there are medical professionals and scientists working to help people like her, that we have a loving and supportive family, and that God has used her diabetes to introduce us to a whole new group of people that we otherwise never would know. We struggle sometimes with the former, but we focus intentionally on the latter.

We aren't NOT treating Julia's diabetes. Real injustices should be corrected. But consider 1 Thessalonians 5:18 - "In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." This was spoken by a man who both dealt out injustice and who was treated unjustly. He was wrongly imprisoned and beaten to the point of near death, simply for his faith. This is a man who knew injustice inside and out. And yet, his perspective was to be thankful in all things.

Instead of being miserable and bitter, we rejoice even in the midst of trying times. This can be true whether you're facing an illness, an injustice, or some other difficult circumstance.

Cultivating a thankful attitude might not come naturally. One child receiving a present might be happy, until he sees his sibling receive a nicer present. Then that joy turns to jealousy very quickly. We have to work to develop a grateful heart. We need to choose to see the good instead of the bad. We need to purposefully thank God and others for the many blessings we have. We need to focus on what we have, not on what we don't have.

When we are grateful, we are humble. We are happy. We are more loving and giving to others. When we are ungrateful, we are proud. We feel entitled. We are bitter and resentful and jealous. We are less giving and loving towards others.

We all have much to be thankful for. And incredibly, the genuine heart act of giving thanks only increases our happiness, and that of those around us.

Be thankful today, and every day.